This blog post comes in response to Sarah Ashcroft’s video No F*ckboys Allowed and an article on Thought Catalog titled Date Someone Who Treats You Like Shit. I found both of these so damn relatable I just had to write something. I have not been that lucky in love; I have had relationships but some have not been healthy by any means.
We watch Disney films as a child and see the handsome prince riding in on his stallion to sweep the princess off her feet and they live happily ever after. The sad truth is that adult relationships are not a fairy tale and your heart can get broken. The culture of casual relationships seems to be everywhere, especially in reality TV shows such as Love Island and Geordie Shore which can depict the nature of it to be ‘fun,’ but inevitably someone always ends up getting hurt.
“Find someone who never texts you back and always lets you initiate plans and never makes an effort. Find someone who belittles you and makes you question their feelings because they can never be bothered to take two seconds to tell you. Find someone who uses you and who makes you feel disposable and who can never seem to be there when you actually need them.” -Thought Catalog
Does the above sound familiar? I have definitely been there and looking back I could scream at myself to ask what I thought I was doing!? There are red flags all over the place but you push them aside. Your friends try to be supportive but you can tell from their eyes they are not happy with the situation you are in. You hear rumours but you don’t believe them.
“And then date them. Fall for them. Go blind to their behavior. Make excuses for them and justify why you’re the only one who gets them, who knows who they really are. Pretend like everything is fine and convince yourself it is. Convince yourself that you can change them, that you are the only person who understands them and why they are the way they are.” -Thought Catalog
There is one person in particular who I want to write about – a liar and cheat – the definition of a fuckboy. We were together for six months, and I can honestly say it was probably one of the worst times of my life mentally and emotionally. My friends were skeptical at first and so was I to be honest, but then he dropped the L-bomb on Christmas Eve and I fell deep into his trap. Red flags started popping up – his mobile was always on silent, he wouldn’t add me on Instagram, he avoided my phone calls and his mobile was always screen down. In my head I would try to rationalise that maybe he was just really private, or that he was too busy to answer my call. In reality he didn’t want me to see the messages from all the other women he was talking to. I heard rumours, I had girls coming up to me on nights out saying he had been speaking to them as well. Another girl even told me he had slept at her house after a night out but I tried to justify it and didn’t want to believe it.
It is like being under a spell – you know what is going on is wrong but you can’t help but make excuses. But then came the evidence that made me snap out of it for good.
“And then get your heartbroken. Be devastated by it, by them. Sit there, holding yourself together and wonder what you did wrong. Question everything. Wonder if you had just been something else, something more, if it would have been enough for them to change and love you back. Blame yourself for their issues, for their shortcomings.” – Thought Catalog
One of my friends had been sent a screenshot of a text conversation where a girl had been telling her friend his name and that they had met up and slept together. Of course the first thing I did was break down as I couldn’t excuse this one. The evidence was there in front of me. However this is when my mindset changed and told him to come over. I told him about what I had heard and he denied it without knowing I had the screenshot. This is where I pulled my trump card out of my coat pocket and showed the cold, hard evidence to him. Immediately the ‘boyfriend’ persona crumbled away and revealed him in a new light – a compulsive liar and dirty cheat. From that day I never spoke to him again.
You’ll pick yourself up. You’ll move on. You’ll wake up one morning and even though the memories of them and how they treated you will still be there, it won’t hurt anymore.
What did I learn from dating a fuckboy?
From that day I knew my worth, what I deserved from a man and what not to put up with. It has made me a much stronger woman and in relationships since then I have put my foot down or called time when I wasn’t happy with how I was being treated. We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, please don’t stand for anything less.