What Dating a F*ckboy Teaches You

This blog post comes in response to Sarah Ashcroft’s video No F*ckboys Allowed and an article on Thought Catalog titled Date Someone Who Treats You Like Shit. I found both of these so damn relatable I just had to write something. I have not been that lucky in love; I have had relationships but some have not been healthy by any means.

We watch Disney films as a child and see the handsome prince riding in on his stallion to sweep the princess off her feet and they live happily ever after. The sad truth is that adult relationships are not a fairy tale and your heart can get broken. The culture of casual relationships seems to be everywhere, especially in reality TV shows such as Love Island and Geordie Shore which can depict the nature of it to be ‘fun,’ but inevitably someone always ends up getting hurt.

“Find someone who never texts you back and always lets you initiate plans and never makes an effort. Find someone who belittles you and makes you question their feelings because they can never be bothered to take two seconds to tell you. Find someone who uses you and who makes you feel disposable and who can never seem to be there when you actually need them.” -Thought Catalog

Does the above sound familiar? I have definitely been there and looking back I could scream at myself to ask what I thought I was doing!? There are red flags all over the place but you push them aside. Your friends try to be supportive but you can tell from their eyes they are not happy with the situation you are in. You hear rumours but you don’t believe them.

“And then date them. Fall for them. Go blind to their behavior. Make excuses for them and justify why you’re the only one who gets them, who knows who they really are. Pretend like everything is fine and convince yourself it is. Convince yourself that you can change them, that you are the only person who understands them and why they are the way they are.” -Thought Catalog

There is one person in particular who I want to write about – a liar and cheat – the definition of a fuckboy. We were together for six months, and I can honestly say it was probably one of the worst times of my life mentally and emotionally. My friends were skeptical at first and so was I to be honest, but then he dropped the L-bomb on Christmas Eve and I fell deep into his trap. Red flags started popping up – his mobile was always on silent, he wouldn’t add me on Instagram, he avoided my phone calls and his mobile was always screen down. In my head I would try to rationalise that maybe he was just really private, or that he was too busy to answer my call. In reality he didn’t want me to see the messages from all the other women he was talking to. I heard rumours, I had girls coming up to me on nights out saying he had been speaking to them as well. Another girl even told me he had slept at her house after a night out but I tried to justify it and didn’t want to believe it.

It is like being under a spell – you know what is going on is wrong but you can’t help but make excuses. But then came the evidence that made me snap out of it for good.

“And then get your heartbroken. Be devastated by it, by them. Sit there, holding yourself together and wonder what you did wrong. Question everything. Wonder if you had just been something else, something more, if it would have been enough for them to change and love you back. Blame yourself for their issues, for their shortcomings.” – Thought Catalog

One of my friends had been sent a screenshot of a text conversation where a girl had been telling her friend his name and that they had met up and slept together. Of course the first thing I did was break down as I couldn’t excuse this one. The evidence was there in front of me. However this is when my mindset changed and told him to come over. I told him about what I had heard and he denied it without knowing I had the screenshot. This is where I pulled my trump card out of my coat pocket and showed the cold, hard evidence to him. Immediately the ‘boyfriend’ persona crumbled away and revealed him in a new light – a compulsive liar and dirty cheat. From that day I never spoke to him again.

You’ll pick yourself up. You’ll move on. You’ll wake up one morning and even though the memories of them and how they treated you will still be there, it won’t hurt anymore.

What did I learn from dating a fuckboy?

From that day I knew my worth, what I deserved from a man and what not to put up with. It has made me a much stronger woman and in relationships since then I have put my foot down or called time when I wasn’t happy with how I was being treated. We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, please don’t stand for anything less.

 

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8 Comments

  1. July 12, 2017 / 9:13 am

    Yes yes yes! This post was so good! I can resonate with being in a bad relationship and this also being worst times of my life mentally and emotionally. I am still recovering from this! I am so glad you now know your worth and are stronger! xox

    • July 13, 2017 / 10:23 am

      It does take a long time to recover, unfortunately the culprit will never take this into consideration. All we can do is love ourselves and make the best life for ourselves x

  2. August 27, 2017 / 7:52 pm

    Great post, I’ve definitely learnt more about myself and grown confidence in saying what I do / don’t want in a relationship now! I’ve learnt not to ignore red flags, and trust my instincts! It’s great that you’ve clearly grown from a bad experience! 🙂 X

    • wellnessandwander
      Author
      September 1, 2017 / 12:35 pm

      It seems like the end of the world at the time but you always grow from experiences like this. I certainly know how not to be treated now and that is an amazing thing! x

  3. September 14, 2017 / 10:07 am

    Great post! I’ve never been in relationship but I’ve come across fuckboys at university and they were absolutely awful. Luckily, I’ve become very good at spotting the red flags and I’ve ended up cutting fuckboys out of my life, because I know what I deserve. A wonderful woman deserves a wonderful man. 🙂

    Chichi
    chichiwrites.com

    • wellnessandwander
      Author
      September 22, 2017 / 11:53 am

      Thank you for the kind words 🙂 It’s great you recognise the red flags – I knew them but didn’t listen to my gut.

  4. October 15, 2017 / 9:30 pm

    Couldn’t agree more. Same things happened to me (was a bit worse in the sense it went on for years and people didn’t tell me about what he’d been up to until after we broke up…thanks peeps). Sadly the truth of knowing my worth and not standing for crap has meant that basically nothing goes further than a couple of dates any more or I go months and months without even bothering, being a strong person is good, but after you’ve kicked number 39 to the curb for not treating you well you start to wonder, why the f does nobody make an effort or treat anyone properly any more!

    • wellnessandwander
      Author
      October 17, 2017 / 5:06 pm

      I totally get you, I have had nothing but bad experiences with men and it is very disheartening. Just got to wait for the right person to come along and you will be so grateful you didn’t settle for someone that treats you badly. It is a story all to common today which is really sad!

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