It has been around twelve weeks since I plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and ask for help in the way of counselling. The thought of doing this is terrifying as you are about to spill your life and troubles to a complete stranger who you are not sure you’ll even click with, but I had gotten to a stage in my life where anxiety was taking up so much room in my brain it was hard to function some days. I also opted to find a private counselor opposed to being put on an NHS waiting list so money also comes into the picture.
The first appointment was nerve-wracking, walking up the stairs and ringing the doorbell made me stomach turn. What if we didn’t get on? What if she doesn’t understand me? But I left feeling happy that I felt confident to talk to this person and that we got on; it was a weight off my shoulders. I feel it’s so important to find someone you click with, you feel safe talking to and can be honest with. Counselling is your time to be heard, to let out anything you have been keeping inside.
From then on it has been up and down. There was one session in particular where we spoke about the lowest points of my life and I spent the hour crying and trying to get my words out. But recovery is not linear and I totally expected for there to be great sessions alongside awful ones. You have to relive the hard times to heal the wounds they’ve created.
I have not had an anxiety attack in twelve weeks and that is just crazy to think as I had been having them so regularly before and my emotions were all over the place. It is as if there has been a shift in my mind and I look at life and myself differently now. I wouldn’t say everything is 100% though so I will be continuing my journey with counselling.
I am so thankful to myself that I mustered up the courage to find help on my own and to actually go through with it! Please, if you feel you need help and support go to your GP and talk about being referred for counselling, or visit the Counselling Directory to find a professional nearby.